It's been quite awhile since the last update. Yes, the last entry spark pretty interesting comments and one that hurt in a way. Maybe that guy was right. I am a failure in certain things he said. For now, i don't wanna think about it..

2-3 weeks ago, i probably had the most painful operation. One which i almost didn't make it through. One which i saw something in my dreams during the op(but im not gonna reveal it here cause its too personal). One which made someone teared up in the hospital and at home. I remember clearly, that i was literally crying my guts out after the operation because the pain was simply unbearable. Once i was transfered to HD Ward, i looked around my body. I felt scared. Wires, needles, oxygen mask, drips, bandage, pain, morphines. I can't move properly nor sit up properly. Minutes later, Ms A.A.G came along with her close friend. She teared and i didn't know how to react. I wanted to say i was alright, but i can't even talk nor speak properly. Syad and Afiq came awhile later and never in my entire life, i've ever seen them look so gloomy and sad for me. NEVER.

And so, days past by in the hospital very very slowly. It was miserable thats for sure. I had a new friend in the hospital. It was my chest tube. It followed me everywhere i go and accompanied me for my whole 12 days stay in the hospital. I thought i could have been out earlier. Prayed every single day for me to get better. It didn't. A relapse was next. I remember the doctor saying i had to go through some "bullectomy" or watever its called. I swear to god, thats the most painful shit EVER! I could feel the liquid in my chest taking effect and it was so darn painful that i needed an oxygen mask to breathe. I was gasping for air desperately, moving about in bed, sweating in pain and trying my best not to scream. It was 30 minutes of hell and everyone in the ward were looking at me feeling scared as well. Painkillers came soon after, and i knew i just couldn't talk after that..

I knew i had to get out of hospital asap. I motivated myself to do the exercises i was though. Discipline myself to not lie down and sleep during the day. I did. I was out a few days later. When my chest tube friend was remove,(yes that was PAINFUL ASWELL) i quickly got into the shower and stayed in there for 30 minutes. It felt soooooo good. Its an interesting journey in the hospital i must say. I seen loads of things i've not seen before. Went through things which i never imagined i could survive..

With all that said, i'm out now. Therapy sessions is really painful. I maybe out of hospital but i do know i'm not out of danger yet because my lungs are still very very fragile. 10-14 months recovery period is gonna be so blardy long and i really do not know how i'm gonna survive for the next 1 year. Call me stubborn or wat, i don't really blame you people.

Yes, i'm departing for Vietnam later today. That fast huh. Ive got friends who are worried sick about me going. Only thing i can say is, i do hope you people understand how much this means to me. Its something i love doing and i wannaa continue living the dream since god just gave me a chance to live on. I know its a lil bit dangerous for me to fly, but i'm willing to take the risk.

I don't have anything much to say left and my eyes are getting droopyyyyyy. Before i sign off and go hiatus for a few weeks, i would like to sincerely thank everyone for their well wishes. I'm touched that local and even international gaming sites had an update on me.
A special thank you to Irsyad, Afiq, Fidyana, Nora, Din, & Zaky for coming down almost every single day. 
A special thank you as well to Ms A.A.G, my cousins and aunts for the motivations as well. 
A special thank you to Isma, Rasyiqah, Lynn, Wani, Rizal, my teammates, Aisha for visiting as well.
A special thank you to Nadiah for the internet connection! 
Overall, I know it wasn't a good sight when you all saw me back at SGH and i'm really sorry if i didn't entertain you guys that much :(

Till the next update..

Phirkhan

I dont text u that much and I dont see you as often as i’d like to, its true, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking of you. I want you to know you’re too nice to forget and i’ll always be glad that you and i met. for you are that unforgettable kind with a special place in the heart and mind.. 
With that said, your dearly missed..

And now im stuck in having to choose between something i like or my health..